Consent & Relationships

Healthy relationships, both romantic and sexual, are built on respect, open communication, and consent.

Talking about consent can feel new or unfamiliar, especially if you’re starting a relationship or having sex for the first time. 

What matters most is that you and the people you have sex with feel safe, comfortable and respected every step of the way. 

What is consent? 

Consent means to agree or give permission to do something, or for something to happen. This could be asking to hold hands, borrow a book, go to the movies together – or have sex.  

All people involved need to know what is going to happen and have the option to say ‘no’ or to change their mind at any time – even if they said ‘yes’ to something previously. 

Why is consent important? 

Consent is the most important first step when it comes to any type of sexual activity. It makes sex a mutual, safe, happy and enjoyable experience for everyone.  

Giving and asking for consent is about setting personal boundaries and feeling safe and comfortable. It shows that you respect your partner’s body, their boundaries, feelings, and decisions.  

Consent is also a legal requirement. It is against the law to have sex with someone, who has NOT given their consent. Consent cannot be forced, tricked or coerced. Sex without consent is sexual assault and is a crime.  

How do I get consent? 

Consent needs to be voluntary, certain and enthusiastic. 

Talking and asking questions is one of the best ways to understand if someone is feeling comfortable at any time. You could ask questions like: 

• Can I touch you here? 
• Do you feel comfortable with this? 
• Do you like that?  
• Do you want to stop? 

Sometimes people do not feel comfortable to say no, even if they really want to. It’s important to also pay attention to nonverbal signs. Facial expressions like frowning or looking unsure, and body language such as pulling away, going stiff, or remaining silent can all be signs someone isn’t feeling okay. If you’re unclear about consent, always check in. It’s all about communication! 

What if I get my partner’s consent…and then they change their mind? 

A person can change their mind at any time and no longer consent to keep going, for any reason.  If a person says ‘no’ or seems uncomfortable, you must stop. Consent needs to be given every time and for every act. Everyone has the right to say ‘no’ at any time and their decision must be respected. 

Remember, it is illegal to have sex, or continue sex without consent. 

Who can’t give consent? 

When you give and ask for consent, you must be able to think clearly and make informed choices. If someone is asleep, unconscious, drunk or on drugs they cannot consent. 

People under the age of consent are unable to legally consent. In NSW, the age of consent to sexual activity is 16 years old. Consent age laws can differ across different states, check local laws if having sex outside of NSW.  

For counselling and support for sexual violence or assault, please call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). If it is an emergency, call 000.  

To learn more and test your knowledge about consent and relationships visit the learning hub.