Have you ever wanted to talk about sex with your friends or peers and didn’t know how or where to start? Maybe you had a question about a sexual experience, or you wanted to hear their thoughts.
Some international students have shared with us that they felt unsure on how to start a conversation about sex with their friends, peers or potential partners. So, the International Student Health Hub team met with international student Jennifer Zhang to co-write this blog.
Why talking about sex is important, an international student story
Jennifer (she/her) is a creative writing student at Queensland University of Technology. Before arriving in Brisbane, Jennifer studied in Guangzhou, California and Sydney. Jennifer enjoys reading, writing, meeting new people and going to the gym.
Hi, it’s Jennifer. In my culture, it’s difficult to get comprehensive sex education, especially during school. I learned elementary sex education in biology class which gave me the basics of a sperm and an egg, but during my high school years I had no understanding of how the sperm reaches the egg.
Since this topic was not included in exams, it was rarely discussed. Middle school sex education taught me a little more about puberty for males and females. I learnt about changes in bodies and menstruation. Then I went to college, and was taken aback during physiology class when I learned about hormones. Sex education during my schooling was exam-oriented rather than learning about sexuality, relationships and how to talk about sex.
Fast forward to arriving in Australia as an international student, the sex education I received in Australia was quite different from my home country. It was detailed and progressive and I would describe as both bold and pioneering! As an international student in Australia for three years, I learnt so much during education workshops. I felt connected with my peers and the facilitator of the workshop who led us through interactive discussions about sex and sexual health. I learned so much about sexual and reproductive health including important topics such as staying safe and using condoms to prevent sexually transmissible infections (STIs), contraception and consent.
Talking about sex is important to build healthy and safe attitudes and behaviours. The more we are comfortable talking about sex the more we are actively breaking down stigma and normalising learning and seeking help about safe sex and sexual health.
What to know about sex
Being informed about sex helps to feel empowered and make healthy choices. There are some key things to know about sex, so that when you start talking about sex, you are sharing accurate information.
Safe sex and consent is an important part of a fun, enjoyable and healthy sex life.
Sexually transmissible infections (STIs) can be passed from person to person during sexual activity with someone who already has an STI.
Sexual activity includes:
- Penis in vagina (vaginal sex)
- Penis in bottom/anus (anal sex)
- Licking, sucking, kissing partners genitals (oral sex)
- Sharing sex toys
Safe sex is about protecting yourself and your sexual partners from STIs and unplanned pregnancies while ensuring that everyone is feeling safe. The International Student Health Hub has a blog about the four C’s of safe sex:
- Consent: asking and giving permission to do something (for example, to kiss, hold hands or have sex).
- Condoms: a barrier that prevents skin to skin contact and the transfer of body fluids preventing both STIs and unplanned pregnancy.
- Contraception: methods to prevent unplanned pregnancy.
- Communication: important for consent, condoms and contraception. Communication can happen before, during and after a sexual experience.
Where to go for information
Finding reliable information on the internet can be hard. But if you are reading this blog, you have come to the right place. The International Student Health Hub website has lots of trustworthy links and information about sexual and reproductive health as well as consent, relationships and understanding the Australian healthcare system.
If you have questions about sex or sexual health, you can ask Nurse Nettie online or call 1800 451 624.
Your university or college might also have a counsellor or student advisor you can talk to and they can help find the information you are looking for.
How to talk about sex
Okay, so now you have your reliable sexual health information and you feel like you want to pay it forward and share it with your friends or peers. Talking about sex doesn’t need to be big, it can start small.
If you feel safe and comfortable with your friends or peers and want to start a conversation about sex, here are some tips to get started. Just like in any sexual experience, it is important to ask for consent. You may be wanting to talk about sex but your friend might not. So, it’s always good to ask them first before you dive into a full conversation.
- “I have been thinking about sex lately and wondered if we could chat about a couple of things. Is now a good time to have a chat?”
- “Did you attend that sexual health workshop recently? What did you think about it? I learnt so much! I didn’t realise that condoms were 98% effective at preventing unplanned pregnancy and STIs”
- “So you know how I have been going on a couple of dates lately, I have been thinking about having sex with them. Can we talk about it?”
- “Hey I found this really great online service where you can ask a sexual health nurse a question about sex. I thought it was a good idea to share.”
- “Is it okay if I ask you a question about contraception? Do you know where I can find information about different contraception methods and where I can get them from?”
- “I went to my doctor recently for a general check-up and they talked about sexually transmissible infections (STIs). When was your last STI test? Did you know that you can get free STI testing?”
Pay it forward
Talking about sex and sexual health with friends and peers is a great way to share important information that may help prevent STIs, unplanned pregnancies and promote positive and healthy sexual experiences. Being comfortable to have these conversations creates a social support system that’s inclusive and informative. Starting a conversation in a safe and non-judgmental environment, helps to break down stigma and promote a positive approach to sex, sexuality and sexual health for international students.
